how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize