they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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