apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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