Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize