This girl is more easily done than said...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
