He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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