The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
