This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
