I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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