make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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