i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
