Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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