All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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