He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
