My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
