Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
did i just pee glitter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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