Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
