she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
