the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
