I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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