She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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