this beer tastes like vomit already
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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