oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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