Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
