guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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