I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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