Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
