Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
