That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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