We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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