Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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