I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
