I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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