Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
