I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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