did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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