I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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