I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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