Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
