Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
