It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
