i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize