There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
