Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize