It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
