I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
