HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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