Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
