ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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