nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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