Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
