just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
