Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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