Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
