i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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