I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
