I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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